About The Weekly Warren
So, you've burrowed your way to our "About Us" page. Commendable curiosity. Or perhaps you clicked the wrong link after being startled by one of the Squire's pronouncements. Either way, welcome to the digital den of The Weekly Warren – the premier, and frankly only, source of news navigating the peculiar ecosystem of Bluster Hall and its surrounding chaos.
Established shortly after the invention of ink (and the subsequent arguments over whose turn it was to fetch more berries), The Weekly Warren strives to bring clarity, or at least mildly coherent commentary, to the bewildering events unfolding in our corner of the countryside. Think of us as the slightly damp, perpetually bewildered chroniclers of the Age of Bluster.
Our Esteemed Correspondents:
Albrecht Pig: Our Foreign Affairs Correspondent, though 'foreign' usually just means Meadowshire. Albrecht approaches geopolitical absurdity with the gravitas of a philosopher contemplating the inherent sadness of truffle shortages. His prose is weighty, his insights profound, and his ability to remain remarkably clean despite the mudslinging (literal and figurative) is legendary. Reads Kissinger for fun. Possibly is Kissinger, just... porcine.
Virgil Rabbit: Our eyes and long ears on the ground. Virgil reports with the breathless exasperation of someone perpetually dodging falling acorns and poorly conceived 'strategic initiatives'. Often found stationed behind sturdy oaks or peering out from strategically dug observation holes. If it's damp, disastrous, or just plain daft, Virgil's probably nearby, taking frantic notes.
Percy Russell Trousers: Terrier. Investigator. Occasional saboteur of potentially lethal dinner parties. Percy brings boundless energy, a keen nose for trouble (and snausages), and the quick wit necessary to navigate social minefields and actual holes dug by Domino Badger. Gets the scoop, often by creating minor, diversionary chaos. Thinks fast, talks faster, digs faster still.
Together, we endeavour to make sense of the senseless, report on the unreportable, and occasionally remind everyone which way the stream is supposed to flow. We operate under the constant threat of being declared 'Fake News Foraging' or potentially repurposed as part of a 'Strategic Livestock Initiative'. Support your local independent journalism. Before it gets annexed. Or eaten.